“As much as I love you I need you to know that you can never move in here again because I am stockpiling incandescent lightbulbs and it is taking up all your space. Because, you know I love Al Gore but I just can’t get jiggy with his lightbulbs. I saw his movie. I’m on board with his whole thing. But I’m sorry I’m 55, I don’t look good under Al Gore lightbulbs.”—Mom, regarding compact flourescent bulbs
are my jam. Put them in anything and I’ll eat it - but my absolute favorite is throwing them in foil on the grill. In lot’s of butter. Because that stereotype of citizens below the Mason Dixon is not an exaggeration by any means. Anyway today I was excited to see Garden & Gun’s email (from which those photos are blatantly stolen) featuring Chef Tyler Brown’s Sweet Onion Bisque.
Not sure which is better, the ‘stache or the soup.
The recipe is below.
Please note that brie grilled cheese is considered a “garnish.” That seems appropriate to me.
Sweet Onion Bisque (yield: 6 servings)
4 sweet onions, diced in large chunks 5 tbsp. whole butter 1/2 cup heavy cream salt and white pepper, to taste As desired: smoked bacon chives Brie grilled cheese sandwich
Simmer onions in butter over very low heat for at least five hours. Add to a blender, and puree until smooth; add heavy cream to taste. Season with salt and white pepper. If desired, garnish bowl with smoked bacon, chives, and triangles of Brie grilled cheese sandwich.
Now I just need to find an extra 5 hours to be around the apartment watching a pan on the stove. And then not think about a little thing called “cholesterol.”
You know those people that purchase baby dolls that are incredibly life like? And pretend they are real infants? No? Check out Reborn Baby Dolls.
What about the ones who adopt baby monkeys and think that THEY are real infants? I swear they exist. NatGeo says so in their documentary “My Child is a Monkey." Yep, look at that bucket of crazy.
If I were to own an adorable mini pig (sold here and basically a breathing beanie-baby, as my cousin put it) I would totally become somewhere between Reborn Baby Doll crazy and My Child is a Monkey crazy.
And I don’t think anyone could blame me. Cut me a check for halfsies and we can have joint custody - but I get to pick out all of its outfits.
Garden and Gun magazine is one of my favorites - although I neither garden nor shoot things. Still, it’s a great southern publication - they also have a great online presence and send badass newsletters. So in honor of March madness they conducted the Ultimate Southern Food Bracket - a culmination of all things delicious (and fried, and buttery - live the stereotype).
Shrimp and Grits was the winner - personally I’m torn between Country Ham Biscuits (yes, vegetarian, shut it), Cornbread, Fried Green Tomatoes, Okra, Crab Cakes - really, everything.
That’s the final four above - Pulled Pork, Shrimp and Grits, Cornbread and Lowcountry Boil. I mean seriously how do you choose?
Basically all this accomplished for me was making me hungry. And excited for southern adventures this summer that will involve stuffing my face. Specifically with hush puppies, which I’m sad to say were not on the bracket at all.
I’m not sure who you have been talking to recently, but “Ay Babay” is neither an appropriate nor efficient pickup line. I understand that PitBull and T. Pain probably seem like standup gentlesirs themselves, and as such you want to be like them. But stop it.
Today my outfit involves - A Red Sox tshirt, in honor of Opening Day. And Snow Boots, in honor of the fact that it is snowing outside.
Now, Massachusetts, I defend you frequently. My friends and family in Virginia, North Carolina, Georgia and Florida call you names like “Alaska” or “Siberia.” And ask me if I commute via polar bear. I say things like “it’s really not that bad!” and “you get used to it.”
I take it all back. You have acted inappropriately in 2011 and I would like an apology. Please send flowers. Or, weather that will at least allow for the growth of flowers. Or even grass, I’ll take that.